and this is one of those moments . . . .
Please read the speech to the end.
I was fortunate enough to hear this lady speak at a Toastmasters Conference this year.
Her name is Dee Douglas.
Dee made a very meaningful speech, that she had written herself.
The speech I felt, connected for me, I am sure it will also connect for many other people around the world in different ways.
I asked Dee if I could publish her speech on the internet for all the world to read.
The rights to the speech remain with Dee. I feel honored to be allowed to publish it here on my blog.
This is Dee's speech . . .
I like to travel light.. well , ……as light as I can for a high-maintenance girl!
So if I like to travel light, why did I drag a heavy judgment bag around for 38 years..a bag filled judgments of my own mother, Annie…
Not once, not once did I question any one of those judgments!!!!! Not once did I try to lighten the load
It’s our basic instinct to make judgments ..It’s part of how we survive
But when we judge people, we risk wrongful sentencing.
I was Annie’s judge and jury..the verdict..guilty..but.. I… did… the… time.
My judgment bag, filled with anger, resentment and self-pity affected every area of my life. I could not see beyond the hurt... and... I did not see who Annie really was.
My Mother Annie was a divorcee in a time when a divorcee..with a child.. struggled to find work..but she kept us safe until eventually she remarried..
That was when my whole world turned upside down:- When Annie started her new family, I started living with my new families. An aunt this week, a friend next week and grandparents for months.
My carers taught me my life lessons.. They taught me how to tie my shoelaces, how to ride a bike, and my grandfather, my grandpa taught me how to fill a pipe with tobacco……………and he taught me how to smoke it!
But every time I packed my bag to stay with carers, I packed my judgment bag filled with anger resentment and self pity. How dare she send me away…why wasn’t I part of her family.
I kept dumping into that judgment bag for 38 years...
Two failed marriages..Annie’s fault.. into the judgment bag.
low self-esteem…Annie’s fault …into the bag
Lack of trust...... Annie’s fault
That bag weighed me down…
Annie never knew about the judgment bag.... I was her devoted daughter because I was desperately seeking her elusive love and attention.
And she knew how much I cared..because Annie turned to me when her fragile troubled mind could no longer cope.
I was the one who listened when her other family grew tired of listening
I was the last one to hold her ..and the first one to cry when she finally took her life.
Heartbroken..yes. Forgiving????…… ….no
Forgiveness came just one month later when I read Annie’s diary.
As I tenderly opened the yellowed faded pages of her diary, the faintest hint of Annie’s perfume wafted up and around ... as if to comfort me.
If you’d been there you would have seen my smile of pure joy when I read my young mothers words:- ‘There’s just the two of us now.. my little girl and me....we’ll face the world together no matter how difficult it becomes’
My joy soon turned to laughter when I read of how I got rid of most of her boyfriends by being very very naughty. . ...and to make sure they never returned I’d grab them around the legs as they were scurrying out door..……‘will you be my new Daddy?’ !!! ………
I cried as I read of Annie’s pain at realizing my stepfather would never accept me…… and then her frantic search to find special people to take care of me..to keep me away from the turmoil at home.
And then.. peace at last as I read the final entries in Annie’s diary....I was the shining star in her now darkening world.
But why didn’t Annie share those thoughts and feelings with me? What childhood hurt had closed off her heart.. had made her so detached..unable to show her love, her thoughts her feelings.
I didn’t know Annie at all.
I had wrongly judged my own Mother
It has been said that the only difference between a weed and a flower is a judgment…
Yet how easy it is to make that defining judgment about a person without knowing anything about their life, what led them to be who they are today. ..
Ladies & Gentlemen:- if we do not know who someone really is.. .and we don’t have their diary to read of their thoughts and feelings.. do just accept each other as we are? Too simplistic? Or is it?
I travel lightly these days.
All that I carry with me is admiration, love and a deep understanding of my brave troubled young Mother simply doing her best in difficult… and very different times..
and when I find myself judging someone….. as I often do….. I stop, I think of Annie…... a weed..no a flower..
Thank you Dee
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